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Mixing It Up Financially In The Same Household!
by Miriam G. Aw
Whenever I read or hear about so many of the American peoples' present economic woes in our country, I think back to the movie "Raisin in the Sun," starring Sidney Poitier, and the recent television version, starring Sean Combs. In this movie, you had the father, and his family, to include his mother, all living in one dwelling. Of course, most families may believe that this setting alone cannot work within their own household. It is not easy living with relatives, or should I say 'kin folk.' Especially if it is your parents, siblings, and/or in-laws - all in one house!
What may have worked in the 20th Century when a son, or daughter, decided to leave the family nest, or in many cases, were kicked out of the family nest, at the age of 18 or older, it no longer applies in the 21st Century. Although it was the belief and norm to have most youngsters go off to attend college post high school, relocate elsewhere seeking a job, or get married, ultimately leaving their family nest to pursue any of the above, such a stance is not looked upon too much these days due to the economical crisis of loss jobs, wages, home foreclosures, and high rent - across the board. High school and college students are finding themselves working to help make ends meet to pay for their tuition, books, food, etc. In addition, parents are finding themselves working 2 to 3 jobs, or losing their main source of income from what use to be their long standing form of employment.
Due to the looming problems so many families face today within their household, no one should negate the fact that sharing the financial responsibilities among the immediate family may be the answer, and that communicating with each other in the family must be a priority, if achieving betterment in quality of life is to be maintained by all.
As a 'Date of Birth' Specialist, I fully understand how other people's 'natural born' personalities, and their influences may conflict within a family household. The mere thought of dealing with a parent who domineered the family home structure may be a factor to not sharing any financial responsibility. You know the type: 'My way, or the highway' mode of ruling the nest! Well, the typical "You can't teach an old dog new tricks" may apply, but today, it doesn't hunt too well, particularly if there are current financial problems lurking among the family tree. Let's face it, the limbs and branches are rapidly becoming fragile - breaking at the least bit of applied tension.
And we must not forget that there are some grown children (age 26 and older) living away from home, or growing (ages 16 through 25) children who are still living at home, who may not want to put out as much money toward paying the bills unless there are some pre-conditions involved. In either case, it is time to dispel all negative beliefs that families cannot work together. Instead, a sense of working together is doable, achievable, and is in everyone's best interest.
Family is an important and integral part of our legacy. After all, if the majority of the people in this country can vote to elect a Black man to become our 44th President of the United States of America with the belief that our country can battle the economic crisis head on, then damn it, no one should whole-heatedly believe that as a family they cannot go the extra mile to help each other strive toward keeping the family house from foreclosure, or assist in maintaining food, shelter, and clothing for the family!
The way to begin this feat is to start with self! Be true to who you are, and perhaps, you can be true to those whom you love, and who loves you.
In addition, if any of us are to coexist harmoniously by sharing responsibilities in the same family household, the following suggestions should be adhere to:
1) Speak to your working teenage son/daughter about the 'In's & Out's' of paying bills (i.e., mortgage/rent; utilities [electricity, gas, telephone]; food; car payments & insurance; public transportation cost, or fuel for the vehicle; house insurance (if any); property tax (if any); school tuition (their's, or your own - yes, parents also attend college, etc.). Lay it on the line - This will show your child[ren] what it took to keep a roof over their head, food on the table, clothing on their back, and basically, kept them from becoming homeless! Tell it like it is! Those days of quietly suffering should be over!;
2) Speak about mutual respect and dignity toward one another. Air or vent any past grievances - this is very important because past regrets, and/or despise for other family members, are often held-in without confronting the problem(s). However, whatever you do, or say, conduct those 'family meetings' with tact, and sincerity;
3) Lay out the 'Mutual Privacy Law' for your working grown, or growing children. What this is very simple: Knock on the door, and wait for a response before entering. It's about respecting each other as a person, and as a person who's helping to keep the family home afloat, and last, but not least,
4) NEVER treat your parents as if they are your children! Even if you have to care for them, DO NOT DO THIS! In my opinion, it is disrespectful, disgusting, and belittling, to say the least! Your parents or grandparents are NOT your children - YOU are your parent's child, and not the other way around! Never forget that fact!
I believe that college students who remain living at home, or who is attending a go-away college, but still comes home during school breaks, should help out financially with the household expenses. This can be done by getting a part-time job (or full-time on the weekends, if it doesn't interfere with school work). In addition, a realization of who earns what, and how often, can be factored into who pays whom. It can be a full payment, or partial contribution. Either way, a little bit of financial help is better than no financial help.
Like President Elect Senator Barack Obama, I, too, believe in, and have exercised, 'Community Organizing' in my community for several years. One of the main reasons why most communities lack cohesive relationships among one another is because we do not know our neighbors' names, where they're from, where they work, how many children they may have, and other information that makes someone neighborly. What ever happened to 'welcoming' our neighbors into the neighborhood with kind words of welcome, or perhaps bringing a freshly baked pie, or cake? Hell, how many of us bake anything these days?
The point I'm making is that it should not have taken a presidential candidate, namely Pres. Elect Obama, to remind us that all of us have an inherent responsibility toward each other. Since he did, that is a great thing! You or I could have (and have) said the same thing, but somehow whatever it is we had to say fell on deaf ears. Perhaps now that we have a future President of the United States of America, who is a 'Community Organizer,' and has successfully ran his presidential campaign in the same mode of organizing, the realization of mixing it up financially with family in the same household can, and will, work during these uncertain economic time!
I do not profess to be an economic expert, nor am I an expert in accounting. Nonetheless, I am a wife, and parent, who fully understand what it takes to maintain a household financially, and spiritually. Plus, I know how it can be to deal with blood relatives who may not share the same views, or outlooks in life. Some people enjoy living in confusion. Others prefer to distance themsevles from it. And rightly so!
Granted, mixing it up financially with family members in the same household, despite each other's ages, or whether you're living at the home, or not - it is the premise of achieving economic unity, so that the family house won't go under foreclosure, or that a parent can continue to make mortgage payments with the aid of his or her child[ren] before deciding to file bankruptcy, or becoming foreclosed by the bank. It's the belief that unity, and not divisiveness, will prevail during the difficult times. It's also the belief that when we treat our neighbors as well as we treat our dogs, or material things, then society can be a better place to have as our own.
And if you are like most people, you'll continue to play the lottery in hopes of becoming a multi-millionaire - having no worries, nor any inclinations to live with anyone else other than whom you already live with, or share a house, with or without children!
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