One of the most precious blessings I've had in my life was having both my mom and dad growing up in Bronx, New York. And as a mother and grandmother myself, it did not take decades to appreciate my own mom, and the numerous sacrifices she made to ensure that my siblings and I received the basics in our upbringing.
When I watched this three-part video with Jada Pinkett-Smith with her daughter and mother, I found it to be poignantly refreshing. Especially when Jada spoke about how important it is for mothers to make themselves just as happy as providing happiness for her family. In other words, as the old aphorism goes . . .
If momma's not happy, no one is happy. And when momma is happy, everyone is happy! Plain and simple!
However, this video also touched on something that I wrote about in my 2003 and 2007 independently-published book
Conversations in Poetry: Take Charge of Your Life By 'Preserving Your Sanity' At All Cost, and that there are a myriad of women who have not wrestled, nor confronted, with their own demons in terms of dealing with their past.
And as a result of these women who've for their own reasons repressed their past saturated with negative outcomes, they wound up having a family of their own, thus passing on a abusive cycle of hurt. It becomes a generational problem, if not corrected, nor recognized early enough.
Oddly enough, this generational breeding of self-abusive behavior on the part of women who've not spoken about their hurt, anguish, and/or painful upbringing, tend to fester within germinating resentment, which seemingly manifest itself when their child[ren] reach puberty - a time when "self-independence" and "independent thinking" begins to evolve. Especially if that child is a female.
Much to my surprise, many of the questions that I had for many years living in New York about my own mom were answered when I moved to the state of South Carolina, which is where my mom was born and raised. Little did I know that my own independent research of seeking answers would become a revelation.
Hundreds of women, both Black and Caucasian, whom I have had the pleasure of engaging dialogue with all shared the same experiences, which led me to believe that these women experiences could only be described as a southern regional phenom, which saturated throughout, and outside, the State of South Carolina,but yet, not ever being addressed on a public (or private) scale.
Every woman whom I spoke with all shared a common denominator in their relationships with their mothers: Their world begun to fall apart, per se, during their adolescent years. I was stunned!
What the "Red Table Talk" video does is to encourage mothers, daughters, and grandmothers, to engage in healthy honest conversations about their personal views on life issues, family issues, and outwardly orate past demons that have not been confronted, nor wrestled with, on a personal level, without fear of judgement, ridicule, or shame, which is often why so many moms are not willing to share with others.
Although the video is somewhat short, it does reveal enough character and integrity in its message to foster a movement for others to explore and take part in their lives. I applaud Jada for taking this bold move to a public forum. And by no means did I find her video to be pretentious, fault-finding, nor condescending.
In my opinion, what I saw was a woman and mother, who truly wanted to share with the world a message that needed to be said . . . and that message is that moms must take charge of providing happiness for themselves. Happiness must begin with you.
Before I independently published by book
Conversations in Poetry in 2003, I was hesitant in doing so because my aim was not to make money, or to shame anyone in particular. In fact, it was a therapeutic tool for me at that time in my life. My purpose was to "heal thyself" first - then my prayer was to help others, who, too, experienced, or was experiencing the same.
I've always believed that if you do not
'preserve your sanity' at all cost, then you're no good to anyone else, especially to your child[ren], spouse, or anyone else whom you love, like, and cherish, in your life. It's that simple!
It pleases me to say, however, that I did receive a lot of positive feedback when my book got published. I did not realize how many more women have encountered the same experiences as myself, and with the many women whom I've spoken with throughout the course of my research.
Let's face it: I'm not Jada. I do not have the celebrity status that she, or her daughter, Willow, hold in the entertainment industry. I don't have fame. I'm simply a bless woman who have a wonderful husband, great children, and an adorable grandchild. It's my pleasure to share what I know, learn about, and provide anything that I believe will help others to catapult themselves to great heights in life. I've always been this way, and I guess I'll remain this way til I cannot do it any longer.
And yes, it is good to know that I am not alone in believing that moms, especially of the older generation, need to sit down with their daughters, and granddaughters, have a cup of coffee or tea (or something stronger), and express what is in their heart.
It is time to eradicate what this country has dictated for so long, and that is to bottle your emotions inside to show you're a trooper of a mom sacrificing yourself to no end.
Thank God we do have our menstruation because there would be no one around to be angry with, or hurt by any longer! But I digress.
My mom passed-on last June 2011. And if your mom, or the person whom you call 'Mom' is physically no longer with you, then please know that you are her legacy bound with profound love. Carry-on in your life knowing that you've been bless to have a person like her in your corner. And now it is you who have to continue her legacy in a positive good light.
Thank you, Jada, for your video.
May all of you have a Happy Bless Mother's Day!
Peace and Blessings To All of You,
Miriam.
Copyright 2012. All rights reserved.
The "Red Table Talk" with Jada Pinkett-Smith
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
